Thursday, March 11, 2010

Relationship Politics and the Pina Colada Song

I hate the Pina Colada song (aka Escape by Rupert Holmes). I really, really do.
"If you like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain.
If you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape;
I'm the lady you've looked for, write to me and escape."
That I hate this song hasn't always been true - I loved it once. It has a damned catchy tune and who doesn't enjoy singing about cocktails and sex on the beach (which, fittingly, is also a cocktail)? But a couple of years ago, I was listening and something irked me, so I checked out the lyrics.

This song fucking sucks.

The whole premise of this song is twelve kinds of wrong. First, a guy is in bed with his "old lady" (that term - gag me with a spoon) and he decides to check out the personals section in the newspaper. Right there. In bed. Beside her.

Seriously? Ever heard of discretion?

Even the douchiest of douchebags will set up a

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Quit dancing: The big gay battle is NOT OVER.


We dance. We dance around freedom; we dance around rights and justice - one step forward, one step back - and it is not a merry jaunt. We smile, but we are not joyful.

We dance with justice, with freedom because it is more respectable than fighting, and now we are a respectable people.

We have become a community.

We raise children and pets and picket fences; we wear suits and ties and hold positions of power - we are just like anyone. Those of us who live in prostration do it with Pride, because we are a respectable people.

So we do not fight anymore. We do not fight.

Why? Will we waltz into a new era? Piouette into equality; two-step for a brave new world? Does taking the hand of an oppressor, twirling around the issues get us closer to where we want to be? To where we need to be?

It does not.


Dance is style and flair; it requires retreat, someone to relinquish ground and yet, we dance. We start on the back foot and ruffle our skirts around issues because now we are a respectable people. Our dance card is always full.

We do not riot anymore.

We are a respectable people, a

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Webisodes Killed the Gay-For-Pay Star: An Interlude

How web-based shows will change your view of mainstream media.

An Interlude: Telling Stories

Humans have been telling stories since we crawled out of the primordial goo and developed opposable thumbs on our little flatworm bodies*. From simple hunting tactics to fantastical myths of our creation (and, of course, porn), humans have communicated tales of who we are, what we do and where we come from and it is a habit, a skill, a need unique to our breed of animal.

The way we tell stories and the media we use has changed a lot since our days of finger painting on cave walls. No longer confined to rudimentary symbols or text; traditional, Mainstream and New Media has allowed us to tell our stories vividly; in full technicolour and high definition.

But despite all this evolution, our reason for telling stories has stayed the same: We seek, we yearn, and we crave that transcendental moment of connection with our fellow human.

For Queers, so often marginalised, alienated and maligned, telling stories can be one of the few ways we are able to touch, not only each other, but the people who consider us to be Untouchables. Through book and stage, small screens and large, we tell our stories so we can be seen; to share that which makes us the same and remove the fear that comes from misunderstanding that which makes us different.

In the first instalment of this webseries, I talked about the importance of groping supporting quality homo products. In the second, I vented my frustration at Mainstream Media’s gay-pandering tactics and the infuriating trend of the TV clit-tease.

Before we get to Otalia and Venice: The Series, I want to take a moment to talk about Queer Visibility and Positive Queer Representation, and what they mean to me.

Also, Hot Chicks and Boobs.

So here we go.

Visibility Matters.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Word Of The Day: Change


Change.


Change is inevitable. Like growing older, the passage of time - whether you like it or not, change will come.

Sometimes change sneaks up on you; sometimes you sense its impending doom like a storm cloud heavy overhead, or a wolf snarling and nipping at your heels. However it arrives, and no matter how well you think you have prepared yourself for it, change will always, without exception, find a way to turn your world upside down.

Even the smallest of changes, such as your favourite cafe running out of soy when you go in for your morning latte, can throw out your entire day. Now you have to order tea, or grab some water, or even move on to the next cafe a block down the street. It is simple, and yet we resist. A pebble on the track, change can derail the train of your day and send you sprawling across the gravel, dirty and bloodied and wondering what the hell just happened.

Change is seldom comfortable.

I am quick to admit I do not like change, but rarely as forthcoming with why I don’t like change.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

When good bloggers go bad: An Update and NYE whatsits

Dear people who read this blog, thereby giving my life a sad sceric of meaning - I have been bad. Not in a nude, are-you-sure-it's-okay-if-you-touch-me-there, I-don't-think-you're-really-a-doctor way, more in a it's been a few weeks since I blogged kind of way.

The beautiful luddites that are my grandparents, and whom I visited to fulfill my Christmas family requirements, did not have internet access, thereby ensuring I spent the festive season chain-smoking, chewing my nails to the elbows and convulsing like a recovering crack addict.

Apparently, iCrave modem.

This is just a quick note to say thank you for your comments, notes, emails, tweets etc and I will reach out and cybertouch you in dirty places ASAP.

In the mean time, I pledged my body and some very explicit pictures of my girl parts to Rosemary Rowe (writer of Seeking Simone) and in exchange, she blogged about how great I am in bed. (Disclaimer: The fact that Rosemary blogged about me, and the fact that I have exceptional prowess in bed, are both facts, but may not necessarily be related to each other. At all.)

Check out the blog here: Seeking Simone and Naked Girl - Together At Last http://www.seekingsimone.com/2009/12/seeking-simone-and-naked-girl-together-at-last.html And remember to watch this fan-tasmic series.

Venice: The Series will be up very shortly, as well as a suprise fourth part on Anyone But Me, by popular demand.

Happy New Year, all - and remember: If you're going to do something, make sure it's dirty enough to get you blacklisted, but awesome enough that you'll keep the Presidency.

Naked Girl x

Friday, December 18, 2009

Webisodes Killed the Gay-For-Pay Star: Part 2

How web-based shows will change your view of mainstream media.

Part 2: Desperately Seeking Simone

Welcome back. If you’re not sure why I’m saying welcome back, that’s okay – we’re confused around here a lot of the time. This is the second in a three-part series I’m writing on web shows; shows that can take the gay-pandering mainstream media out into a back alley and beat them to a rainbowed pulp, with their top-shelf content and pure, independent, homo pizzazz.

So yes, welcome back. Please take off your pants.

< This is a segue >

Law and Order: Special Victim’s Unit is a big-bucks, primetime TV show about a bunch of detectives and prosecutors who investigate sex crimes, and I shouldn’t have to explain that to most of you, because it stars Mariska Hargitay as Detective Olivia Benson and Stephanie March as ADA Alex Cabot. Together, they form Cabenson – a femslash-tastic duo of hotness, in ass-kicking proportions. Why am I bringing this up? Well, partly so I can use these pictures:


And partly because... Sorry, need more time with those pictures? I’ll wait...

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Word Of The Day: Introspective

Do you know who you are?

What makes you tick?

What kick-starts your heart; makes your soul rise from your chest and expand to fill every corner of a room, until no air is left but the sweet scent of At Last! and Is this what it means to feel whole??

Do you know who you are?

Would you recognise yourself without a mirror? Do your deeds and actions reflect your beliefs and values?

Are you constantly at war with yourself, saying one thing but doing another; compromising yourself until so little of you is left that it could slip through your fingers like water?

Are you unsure what “taking a stand” even means?

Take a moment.


Sit with yourself, in darkness or in light, or on a boat on the sea away from everyone, away from expectations and ask yourself: Who am I?

What do I want from this life?

Do not ask what you have to do, do not ask what does it want from me?, because in life, there will always be conflict. There will always be someone, or something you feel you must defer to.

Do not defer life. Do not defer who you are.

Know who you are.

Introspection is never wasting time. A life without knowledge of who you are is not living.

Know who you are.

Be who you are.

Everything else will change.

Stalk me, stalk my blog: http://socialsmores.blogspot.com

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Webisodes Killed the Gay-For-Pay Star: Part 1


How web-based shows will change your view of mainstream media.

PART 1: Do We Really Have To Stop Now?

A little while ago, I wrote a column called Raining On The Gay Parade, in which I implied (see also: flat-out stated) the gay community has a lemming*-esque reaction to anything pitched as gay – movies, TV, books, music and community representatives, regardless of their actual worth. Then I ranted that we should be a more discerning, demanding audience, and finished by complaining about The L Word. You know - the usual.

What I didn't do, was suggest alternatives to the crap we're dealt, which makes me about as useful as a penis in a dyke bar. And I never, ever, ever, want to be compared to a penis. Never.

Never.

So today I'm posting the first in a three-part series on kick-ass alternatives. (This one's mostly for the ladies, but if you want to send me a link for the boys, please do so.) Since I'm such an up-to-date, tech-savvy child of the social-networking revolution, I'll be talking to you about New Media. In this case, the Wonderful World of Webisodes.

Never heard of a webisode? You'll be hearing the word a lot, so if you're not down already with netspeak, you'd best get acquainted. Web-based "TV" shows are the way of the future. Episodic series' pumped straight to the interwebz, without the need for mainstream ratings, TV executives or advertising dollars, means these shows can match and eclipse the content of anything "gay" you've seen on your TV for a very long time.

I'm not going to give you a history of Webries, or a definitive list of what's out there, but I do want to talk about three particular shows: Two that are so unmissable, so awesomesauce that I cream myself, and one that is most notable for its ground-breaking creation. So here we go.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Word Of The Day: Voracity

 
Voracity.

What makes you voracious? What drives you to ravenous consumption? What fuels your lust for life?

Is it hidden in a gastronomic boutique? Do you find it in words crafted on a page? Is it stored in a museum or gallery? Is it in the people you fuck?

Do you grind your way to pleasure vertically on a dance floor? Do you feel alive late at night, talking across a river of wine?

Did anything today make you feel voracious? Did you do anything that fed the fire within you?

Maybe life was ordinary, but did you live it as an extraordinary person?

It is voracity, not tenacity, that makes a life LIVED.

Consume with passion. Live voraciously.

Stalk me, stalk my blog: http://socialsmores.blogspot.com

Monday, December 14, 2009

Naked Rules Of Engagement: A Change Of Plans



My rules of engagement are as follows:

1: NEVER give up without a fight.

2: Never kick a man when he's stupid down.

3: If you do have to kick him, aim for the face.

4: If you're done, you can lie down, but NEVER take it.

So, I just quit my job.

Resigned. Finished. Completo.

I said my piece. In fact I've been saying it for six months. I've had meetings about it and lodged paperwork and hugged it out and yelled and ranted and cajoled and you know what? When you're done, you're done. I was done.

Is it just me, or does the world seem a shiner, happier place, full of glitter and magical sparkly things? Oh, it is just me?

Maybe that's because y'all are still working at 4.20 pm on a Tuesday afternoon. Me, I'm blogging on my front porch, with three cats and a cup of green tea. It's lovely out here. Beach weather.

I won. I fought and I won. Not the way I expected I would win, but a win is a win all the same. Because I am alive, and I am free, and I am whole, and the future has shiny shiny possibilities.

I have never lived to work, although I do work with passion and relish. But when that's gone, I work to live. And when working starts to eclipse living, why, that's no way to live at all. And, There's No Crying In Baseball.

You do what you can, you say what you have to say and if you change even one person's thinking - and I changed two - sometimes that has to be enough.

So, anyone looking to hire a sassy, passionate writer with media and political expertise, who can turn a phrase on a dime and leave it begging for more?

I'm available.

Stalk me, stalk my blog: www.socialsmores.blogspot.com

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

This guy says gays CAN marry - just not each other

Playing with my Squidoo lens today (unfortunately not as dirty as it sounds), I stumbled across a fellow calling himself SaveTalkRadio . He describes himself as a "fiscal conservative" - If I wasn't so diplomatic, I'd call him an ignorant putz. But I'm a lady, dammit.

Anywho, he has a lens (page) titled "Hetrosexuals Do Not Have Special Rights". That is, you may have guessed, a crock of shit, but I read it for shits and giggles and at the end, felt the need to reply.

MOGeek: How I fixed my SIDEBAR dropping below the posts.

So last night I was minding my own business, playing with myself my blog, when the Main Page with list of my posts went HAYWIRE and the sidebar and gadgets dropped beneath the posts.

Weird thing was, when you clicked into a post, the sidebar was fine.

What I know about HTML could fit in a sock, and the thing that sock-full of knowledge would be most useful for is beating my computer. But I don't give up easily, so I checked the coding and tweaked and prodded and finally, cursed at my computer and spent twenty minutes throwing beans at it.

Later, I checked the Blogger help pages. I did everything they said to do, and nothing happened. I realised it was probably a Page Break issue, but couldn't fix it even with the HTML fixes on the blogger help pages.

HERE'S HOW I FOUND THE PROBLEM:

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

What's a Gay Wad? Apparently a smart kid with strong values.

DAS ÜBERMENSCH! I really hope this kid is a sign of our future.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Ethical porn brings all the girls to the yard.

New Vagabond Magazine (VagMag) is an awesome Melbourne-based online magazine packed full of great tips on ethical shopping, the state of our eco nation and more importantly from issue #2 - ethical Porn.


Ethical. PORN.

Now that's something I can get behind. Pantsless.



Moment of Geek: How to add SHARE! Link Buttons to your posts

A quick geek post: After hours trying to insert individual buttons into my posts for various info sharing sites (Stumble Upon, Digg, Technorati etc), I finally found this little gadget called "AddThis", with which I want to have many many techno!babies.

Now that I don't have to screw around with manually pasting code on each post, I have a whole afternoon to sit in the sunshine and play with myself.

Thanks, interwebz!