Thursday, December 31, 2009

When good bloggers go bad: An Update and NYE whatsits

Dear people who read this blog, thereby giving my life a sad sceric of meaning - I have been bad. Not in a nude, are-you-sure-it's-okay-if-you-touch-me-there, I-don't-think-you're-really-a-doctor way, more in a it's been a few weeks since I blogged kind of way.

The beautiful luddites that are my grandparents, and whom I visited to fulfill my Christmas family requirements, did not have internet access, thereby ensuring I spent the festive season chain-smoking, chewing my nails to the elbows and convulsing like a recovering crack addict.

Apparently, iCrave modem.

This is just a quick note to say thank you for your comments, notes, emails, tweets etc and I will reach out and cybertouch you in dirty places ASAP.

In the mean time, I pledged my body and some very explicit pictures of my girl parts to Rosemary Rowe (writer of Seeking Simone) and in exchange, she blogged about how great I am in bed. (Disclaimer: The fact that Rosemary blogged about me, and the fact that I have exceptional prowess in bed, are both facts, but may not necessarily be related to each other. At all.)

Check out the blog here: Seeking Simone and Naked Girl - Together At Last And remember to watch this fan-tasmic series.

Venice: The Series will be up very shortly, as well as a suprise fourth part on Anyone But Me, by popular demand.

Happy New Year, all - and remember: If you're going to do something, make sure it's dirty enough to get you blacklisted, but awesome enough that you'll keep the Presidency.

Naked Girl x

Friday, December 18, 2009

Webisodes Killed the Gay-For-Pay Star: Part 2

How web-based shows will change your view of mainstream media.

Part 2: Desperately Seeking Simone

Welcome back. If you’re not sure why I’m saying welcome back, that’s okay – we’re confused around here a lot of the time. This is the second in a three-part series I’m writing on web shows; shows that can take the gay-pandering mainstream media out into a back alley and beat them to a rainbowed pulp, with their top-shelf content and pure, independent, homo pizzazz.

So yes, welcome back. Please take off your pants.

< This is a segue >

Law and Order: Special Victim’s Unit is a big-bucks, primetime TV show about a bunch of detectives and prosecutors who investigate sex crimes, and I shouldn’t have to explain that to most of you, because it stars Mariska Hargitay as Detective Olivia Benson and Stephanie March as ADA Alex Cabot. Together, they form Cabenson – a femslash-tastic duo of hotness, in ass-kicking proportions. Why am I bringing this up? Well, partly so I can use these pictures:

And partly because... Sorry, need more time with those pictures? I’ll wait...

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Word Of The Day: Introspective

Do you know who you are?

What makes you tick?

What kick-starts your heart; makes your soul rise from your chest and expand to fill every corner of a room, until no air is left but the sweet scent of At Last! and Is this what it means to feel whole??

Do you know who you are?

Would you recognise yourself without a mirror? Do your deeds and actions reflect your beliefs and values?

Are you constantly at war with yourself, saying one thing but doing another; compromising yourself until so little of you is left that it could slip through your fingers like water?

Are you unsure what “taking a stand” even means?

Take a moment.

Sit with yourself, in darkness or in light, or on a boat on the sea away from everyone, away from expectations and ask yourself: Who am I?

What do I want from this life?

Do not ask what you have to do, do not ask what does it want from me?, because in life, there will always be conflict. There will always be someone, or something you feel you must defer to.

Do not defer life. Do not defer who you are.

Know who you are.

Introspection is never wasting time. A life without knowledge of who you are is not living.

Know who you are.

Be who you are.

Everything else will change.

Stalk me, stalk my blog:

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Webisodes Killed the Gay-For-Pay Star: Part 1

How web-based shows will change your view of mainstream media.

PART 1: Do We Really Have To Stop Now?

A little while ago, I wrote a column called Raining On The Gay Parade, in which I implied (see also: flat-out stated) the gay community has a lemming*-esque reaction to anything pitched as gay – movies, TV, books, music and community representatives, regardless of their actual worth. Then I ranted that we should be a more discerning, demanding audience, and finished by complaining about The L Word. You know - the usual.

What I didn't do, was suggest alternatives to the crap we're dealt, which makes me about as useful as a penis in a dyke bar. And I never, ever, ever, want to be compared to a penis. Never.


So today I'm posting the first in a three-part series on kick-ass alternatives. (This one's mostly for the ladies, but if you want to send me a link for the boys, please do so.) Since I'm such an up-to-date, tech-savvy child of the social-networking revolution, I'll be talking to you about New Media. In this case, the Wonderful World of Webisodes.

Never heard of a webisode? You'll be hearing the word a lot, so if you're not down already with netspeak, you'd best get acquainted. Web-based "TV" shows are the way of the future. Episodic series' pumped straight to the interwebz, without the need for mainstream ratings, TV executives or advertising dollars, means these shows can match and eclipse the content of anything "gay" you've seen on your TV for a very long time.

I'm not going to give you a history of Webries, or a definitive list of what's out there, but I do want to talk about three particular shows: Two that are so unmissable, so awesomesauce that I cream myself, and one that is most notable for its ground-breaking creation. So here we go.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Word Of The Day: Voracity


What makes you voracious? What drives you to ravenous consumption? What fuels your lust for life?

Is it hidden in a gastronomic boutique? Do you find it in words crafted on a page? Is it stored in a museum or gallery? Is it in the people you fuck?

Do you grind your way to pleasure vertically on a dance floor? Do you feel alive late at night, talking across a river of wine?

Did anything today make you feel voracious? Did you do anything that fed the fire within you?

Maybe life was ordinary, but did you live it as an extraordinary person?

It is voracity, not tenacity, that makes a life LIVED.

Consume with passion. Live voraciously.

Stalk me, stalk my blog:

Monday, December 14, 2009

Naked Rules Of Engagement: A Change Of Plans

My rules of engagement are as follows:

1: NEVER give up without a fight.

2: Never kick a man when he's stupid down.

3: If you do have to kick him, aim for the face.

4: If you're done, you can lie down, but NEVER take it.

So, I just quit my job.

Resigned. Finished. Completo.

I said my piece. In fact I've been saying it for six months. I've had meetings about it and lodged paperwork and hugged it out and yelled and ranted and cajoled and you know what? When you're done, you're done. I was done.

Is it just me, or does the world seem a shiner, happier place, full of glitter and magical sparkly things? Oh, it is just me?

Maybe that's because y'all are still working at 4.20 pm on a Tuesday afternoon. Me, I'm blogging on my front porch, with three cats and a cup of green tea. It's lovely out here. Beach weather.

I won. I fought and I won. Not the way I expected I would win, but a win is a win all the same. Because I am alive, and I am free, and I am whole, and the future has shiny shiny possibilities.

I have never lived to work, although I do work with passion and relish. But when that's gone, I work to live. And when working starts to eclipse living, why, that's no way to live at all. And, There's No Crying In Baseball.

You do what you can, you say what you have to say and if you change even one person's thinking - and I changed two - sometimes that has to be enough.

So, anyone looking to hire a sassy, passionate writer with media and political expertise, who can turn a phrase on a dime and leave it begging for more?

I'm available.

Stalk me, stalk my blog:

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

This guy says gays CAN marry - just not each other

Playing with my Squidoo lens today (unfortunately not as dirty as it sounds), I stumbled across a fellow calling himself SaveTalkRadio . He describes himself as a "fiscal conservative" - If I wasn't so diplomatic, I'd call him an ignorant putz. But I'm a lady, dammit.

Anywho, he has a lens (page) titled "Hetrosexuals Do Not Have Special Rights". That is, you may have guessed, a crock of shit, but I read it for shits and giggles and at the end, felt the need to reply.

MOGeek: How I fixed my SIDEBAR dropping below the posts.

So last night I was minding my own business, playing with myself my blog, when the Main Page with list of my posts went HAYWIRE and the sidebar and gadgets dropped beneath the posts.

Weird thing was, when you clicked into a post, the sidebar was fine.

What I know about HTML could fit in a sock, and the thing that sock-full of knowledge would be most useful for is beating my computer. But I don't give up easily, so I checked the coding and tweaked and prodded and finally, cursed at my computer and spent twenty minutes throwing beans at it.

Later, I checked the Blogger help pages. I did everything they said to do, and nothing happened. I realised it was probably a Page Break issue, but couldn't fix it even with the HTML fixes on the blogger help pages.


Tuesday, November 17, 2009

What's a Gay Wad? Apparently a smart kid with strong values.

DAS √úBERMENSCH! I really hope this kid is a sign of our future.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Ethical porn brings all the girls to the yard.

New Vagabond Magazine (VagMag) is an awesome Melbourne-based online magazine packed full of great tips on ethical shopping, the state of our eco nation and more importantly from issue #2 - ethical Porn.

Ethical. PORN.

Now that's something I can get behind. Pantsless.

Moment of Geek: How to add SHARE! Link Buttons to your posts

A quick geek post: After hours trying to insert individual buttons into my posts for various info sharing sites (Stumble Upon, Digg, Technorati etc), I finally found this little gadget called "AddThis", with which I want to have many many techno!babies.

Now that I don't have to screw around with manually pasting code on each post, I have a whole afternoon to sit in the sunshine and play with myself.

Thanks, interwebz!

Gay marriage isn't about getting married, dammit

Let’s get down to brass tacks: This “marriage equality” thing has little to do with getting married. No, seriously - it’s not about bloody marriage.

Sure, if gay marriage becomes legal some of you might get married. Good for you. I hope you enjoy your twenty identical rice cookers. If you’re thinking of inviting me, I don’t do tulle or chiffon. Or purple. Or happy-fun times.

Marriage equality isn’t about marriage, because it just can’t be.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Always the bridesmaid (ACTing civilised)

Australia’s Capital has passed a bill allowing same-sex couples civil ceremonies as part of their recognized civil partnerships.

Big, fat, hairy deal.

Krudd’s already raising a brouhaha about it - the political version of masturbatory foreplay in the jerk-circle that is our State-Federal Government - preparing for another pack-buggery of human rights that shocks footy players with its blatant disregard for social mores.

And again I say, big, fat hairy deal.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Pro-Rape, Crackbook and The Age

Did everyone catch the story in today’s Age titled: Elite College Students Proud of 'Pro-Rape' Facebook Page?

Interesting read. Crackbook breeds some beauties, doesn’t it?

Look, nothing good can be said of rape, or being “pro-rape”. I don’t care if you’re arguing against aged-based or “statutory rape” laws, as one student claimed; consent is sexy, rape is abhorrent. No other arguments apply.

No, what I want to concentrate on is something I believe reporter Ruth Pollard missed in her look at the atmosphere and attitudes of a college that might lead to the conception of this horrible piece of Crackbook shame.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Raining On The Gay Parade (Gay stuff can be shit)

It’s well known in the lesbian community that when you first apply to the Union, there are certain requirements you have to fill:

1: You must have recognised that, in hindsight, your fascination with Linda Carter and / or your 3rd grade art teacher was not merely admiration of her talent, but rather Talents, with a capital T - for Tits.

2: You must own at least one pair of Doc Martin boots and / or Birkenstock sandals.

3: You must be able to recognise the music of the Indigo Girls or Melissa Etheridge within a few beats. (Extra points if you can name the song, album and brand of leather pants / flannelette shirt worn at first stage performance.)

It sounds fiddly, but it’s totally worth it for the Hello Kitty toaster oven.

To be honest,

Queer Culture Vs Gay Marriage: A union made slightly left of heaven?

Our Queer Community is often a “community” in the loosest sense of the word. We are grouped together because society views us as different from them. But we are also very different from each other.

Perhaps more than any other “minority” group, Queers can struggle to find common ground. Gay boys are boys, and they like boys. Gay girls are girls, and they like girls. It’s elementary. We couldn’t have less in common – except straights look at both of us funny. Bisexuals? Straights and homos look at you funny. Transsexual / transgendered / intersex? Everyone looks at you funny.

When it comes to Queers, not being “straight” is all we have in common (and sometimes not even that). Our rainbow spectrum is broader than the human eye can discern. All too often we straddle the border between “Community” and “I stand with you because the enemy of my enemy is my friend”.

So how do we define Queer Culture? Well, it involves a lengthy process of wrangling, a little leather and a lot of finess. And all too often you squeeze the rainbow too hard and little queer skittles pop out.

Queer Skittles of Doom.

Queer Culture – not gay culture, or trans-culture, but collective Queer Culture – clumps GLBTIQs together and stamps a sticker on our foreheads which should read: “Manufacturing processes differ for each product. Similarity not guaranteed.” (And warn in fine print, “Contents may settle in transit.”)

The definition of Queer Culture is, paradoxically, that it defies definition.

Thoughts on Australia's Human Rights Charter

Prompted by a Sydney Star Observer story (yeah - "rughts" act. Whoops, right?)

My thoughts (November 5th, 2009 @ 6:04 pm)

If it wasn’t against what we both stand for, I’d marry Kirby and have his gaybies. Trufax.

One need only look to – strangely – Australia's ex-PM John Howard for the best pro-Human Rights Charter argument. In his August 27, 2009 opinion piece in The Age, Howard said this:

“If the US and Canadian experience is a guide, issues such as abortion and gay marriage would not be resolved by our elected representatives but the courts.

“Comparing the Australian and Canadian approaches on gay marriage is illuminating. In Australia, the government which I led decided in 2004 that the Marriage Act should be amended to define marriage as a voluntary union for life between a man and woman to the exclusion of all others, thus precluding the possibility of recognising same-sex marriages.

“In Canada it was not so simple. In a series of decisions the courts had declared that prohibitions on gay marriage, enacted by some provinces, were contrary to the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Only by Parliament passing a law expressly overturning those decisions could the provincial prohibitions have been revived. This was a theoretical power only. In practice it was not a realistic option.

“Thus it was not Parliament which expressed the will of the Canadian people on this sensitive social issue, it was the courts. Surely that was wrong. Irrespective of the views one might hold on the issue, don’t the people, through their elected representatives, and at all stages, have the right to decide those issues?”

Yes, Mr Howard. The court had the right to overturn the parliament on an issue that would have involved denying the rights afforded to every human being, whether their voices are in the minority or not. Because it is not the loudest people that are the most deserving. It is, simply The People.

In Australia, where parliament obeys the whims of the loudest voices even though they are not of the majority opinion, a Human Rights Charter is essential. Because our voices may not be loud enough, but we do count.

(For you sadists, the ex-PM's wank rant can be found here at The Age website.

My S&M affair with Bruno: The Top 5 things he taught me about gay rights and marriage equality

I watched the movie Bruno as part of the Equal Love gay marriage equality fundraiser, and so began my sado-masochistic love-hate affair with Austrian flamer and celebrity whore Bruno.

It hurt so good. Watching him cavort across the screen through splayed fingers and laughing until every ethical sensibility ached like a broken tooth, I then left the theatre to join a room full of people asking each other the same question: Did you like it? And I knew what they were really asking was: Do I like it?

Oh, there was more laughter and applause than gasps of shock and wailing, but we struggled to admit that this was a guilty pleasure we devoured like a full-fat cheesecake while standing with our heads in the freezer, or that time our partners fell down the stairs and really hurt themselves, but we laugh-peed a little bit anyway.

Did I like it? It's a question I've been mulling over all night. I don't know if I've settled on an answer yet, but I did come up with a list. So here's the Top 5 lessons that Bruno taught me about gay rights and marriage equality.

In The Raw: An Introduction

Getting my facts out of the way would go much like this: 26-year-old lesbian runs wild, runs off at the mouth, lives a life uncensored for better or worse; gets self in trouble, doesn't notice, doesn't much care, keeps going with a wicked smile on her face... Other stuff, blah blah blah, etc.

Yes, the facts would go much like that. And look, they did! So all is good.

I fight for things I believe in. And while I might not believe in too many things, the ones I hold are strong, vocal and hard fought for.

In the outside world, as much as in this blog, you'll find I lack the filter between my brain and my mouth. Stuff comes out edited only for grammar. So if you have fragile sensibilities, my presence is probably not the place for you. But if you stick around, I can guarantee fun will be had.