Life On Twitter: 6 Months of Random Inanity II (February-March)

And we're back. In case you missed the first part of this little foray into WTFery, it all began here: WTFery.

Basically, in trying to figure out what I've been doing for the last six months, I've trawled through my 2350-odd tweets for any hints I could find. I've chosen some high-and-low lights for your possible amusement, and while I still don't have a frakking clue what I've been doing, I've realised I sure do have plenty to say about it.

FEBRUARY:

The other night, I lit candles to eat my microwave dinner for one. Not as special as I'd hoped. 2:24 AM Feb 1st via web


Watched Daria & lamented the loss of my dryly cynical, misspent youth. May listen to Nirvana and wear a cardigan for rest of the day. 3:53 PM Feb 1st via web

Smoking half-cigarettes, lining them up on the bottom step of a ladder. Getting strange satisfaction from this. I am not like other people. 12:58 AM Feb 4th via TweetDeck

I will always stand behind a woman's right to chose intravenous caffeine. 10:29 AM Feb 4th via TweetDeck

My impure thoughts have gone beyond inanimate objects, and devolved into lusting after strapping Latvian gymnasts... 10:32 AM Feb 4th via TweetDeck

If I were any gayer, I'd sweat glitter and rainbows and Home Depots would sprout from my footprints 2:37 PM Feb 4th via web

Spent 35mins ranting at Mum about how the Xena finale was a clusterfuck and it BETRAYED US ALL. I need to get out more 2:26 AM Feb 6th via web

No homo... Oh really, who am I kidding? Totes homo. 3:36 PM Feb 4th via web

I'm awfully fond of the word 'flaccid'. It strikes no fear in me. The small joys of being a lesbian. 3:57 AM Feb 6th via TweetDeck

My superpower requires that you take off your pants. 1:28 PM Feb 7th via web

In sports bra and shorts; hot and sweaty, getting dirty cleaning the house. This weather is totally wasted on being single. 3:03 PM Feb 8th via TweetDeck

Tony Abbott needs an iron to the balls. 9:00 PM Feb 8th via web in reply to dantasticnz

The only problem in this world, is that somebody's going to care forever, and somebody else won't. 11:40 PM Feb 8th via TweetDeck

I can change a tyre and an oil filter; I can cook, clean & fold a fitted sheet. I'm a right fucking lady. 1:17 AM Feb 9th via web

Misogyny? In a game where guys run into each other with their faces for fun? No, I just won't believe it. My world is upside down. #football 1:32 AM Feb 9th via web

Masquerading as someone who knows what the hell she's doing. And I have snacks. 8:54 AM Feb 9th via web

Spent my night perving at jailbait lesbians. If I had morals, I'd probably feel bad about that. Thanks, nihilistic society. Thanks, Skins. 10:18 AM Feb 9th via web

I don't care how you do it - The love you make is beautiful. 12:13 PM Feb 9th via web

Woke up startled, dropped my mobile phone into a cup of tea. Looking forward to a morning of regrets and some light blubbering. 1:23 AM Feb 10th via web

I don't do technology that is both smarter than me and fits in my pocket. I have Skynet fear and poor gun skills. 3:16 AM Feb 10th via web

Soylent Green is made of something nutritional, but unsavoury. 12:32 AM Feb 11th via web

Position & intensity of this electrical storm suggests he IS a vengeful god. Still don't regret a moment of lesbian sex. 4:00 PM Feb 11th via web

Flash-flooding in Coburg. Sending the cats outside to swim on the front lawn. Pool party at my place? 4:09 PM Feb 11th via web

When Oz starts talking favourably about China's censorship laws, we have a problem. #nocleanfeed 5:30 PM Feb 11th via web

2 mental pictures I could've lived without: John Mayer's penis saying Hiel Hitler & ever having sex with Jessica Simpson 6:54 PM Feb 11th via web

Finally escaped Hungoverville. Spent most of the day transfusing the gin from my blood and begging the floor to stop jumping. 11:40 PM Feb 13th via web


Was going to spend Valentine's Day muttering to myself and growling at small children; spent it with Doris Day instead. 9:33 PM Feb 14th via web

Spent evening with Schrodinger's cat. One part of him smelt better than the other. Not sure which because I didn't open the box 2:20 AM Feb 19th via web

MWI Conservation: Where I hang out on my couch in this multiverse so I can get down and dirty in another. 8:17 PM Feb 19th via web

If I was anymore geektastic, I would actually BE string theory. 5:01 AM Feb 23rd via web

UC Berkley lecture series on Physics For Future Presidents. CANNOT STOP WATCHING. http://tinyurl.com/y8sy7kk 11:08 AM Feb 23rd via web

Watching sci-fi and loudly snarking at its inaccuracies is my idea of a fantastic evening. I make my own fun. 5:47 PM Feb 24th via web

I have awesome breasts. I mean, AWESOME. There should be monuments in the honour of these things. Gold. 6:59 PM Feb 24th via web

1am trips to the service station for possibly botulism-based food items really make me appreciate the glory of my life. 1:20 AM Feb 25th via web

If you're not yet in love with Rachel #Maddow, you soon will be. The word Bullpuckey now officially turns me on. http://tinyurl.com/y8uozsx 12:29 AM Feb 28th via web

MARCH:

The thing I love most about sci-fi and fantasy is the predominance of women in leather. #lesbiangeekasm 4:59 AM Mar 1st via web

There's a difference between RL and the interwebz? Does this mean I have to stop gluing captions to my cats? 6:57 AM Mar 1st via web

The cure for homosexuality is the love of a good woman. But only if you're a lesbian. Otherwise that shit will fuck you up 12:45 PM Mar 2nd via web

Sappho is sleeping with her face in my palm. The innocent trust of kitties just floors me. #crazycatlady 2:24 PM Mar 2nd via web

Wow- actually teared-up when I saw this. The wonder of our universe never fails to move me http://bit.ly/9XNFvv via @NASA 1:44 AM Mar 3rd via web

I've been hiding for 2 months now. It's even harder once you're out of the world to go back in. 4:29 AM Mar 3rd via web

Ever walk out of the house, catch a glimpse of yourself and think "Holy Sappho I look like a lesbian." #dyketastic 5:52 PM Mar 5th via web

You know what I really enjoy? Boobs. Boobs are great, amirite? 12:07 AM Mar 6th via web 

Thinking about ditching media career and moving into construction. Mostly coz I like shiny vests and look good in hats. 3:39 AM Mar 7th via web

Murderous computer cord destroyed. New cord overnight-couriered and successfully installed. Naked homebase back on the grid. #Skynetupdate 12:40 PM Mar 9th via web

It has always been my belief that geeky is synonymous with hot 12:54 PM Mar 9th via web

I’m covered in brake dust, mud and engine oil. Exactly as it should be #manaforlesbians 5:32 PM Mar 9th via web

I am the antithesis of the Pavlovian response. 9:27 PM Mar 9th via web

Hit 100 followers. Thanks, random sexbots, twitterspammers and porn specialists - I appreciate every soulless one of you #imaginaryfriends 12:43 AM Mar 10th via web


Universal constant #431: You can NEVER have too much Samantha Carter. #justplainphysics #SG1 @amandatapping 2:35 AM Mar 10th via web

My month-long #SG1 marathon has finally merged into Atlantis. CANNOT STOP WATCHING. SEND HELP #swallowedbyStargate 2:44 AM Mar 10th via web

Leaving things til the last minute makes me a better person in smaller increments. #procrastinationiskey 3:27 PM Mar 10th via web

Centrelink: The place dreams go to die. I smiled at the worker on desk and she almost cried. #indenturedpublicservants 5:15 PM Mar 10th via web

Is it too late to change species? #optoutofhumanity 11:54 PM Mar 13th via web

Just showered; now sitting on the couch in a towel, Googling myself. This is called #geeksterbation 12:12 AM Mar 14th via web

Looking for a butter knife big enough to create an event horizon. 12:40 AM Mar 14th via web

I looked for sense in Lady Gaga's Telephone and now my soul is screaming. #makeitstop 1:00 AM Mar 14th via web

Joys of Living Alone #23: Never having to change out of this towel. #nohousematesFTW 1:22 AM Mar 14th via web

House inspection tomorrow. Considering wiping food on walls just to fuck with estate agent #selfdestructivebehaviourlulz 9:23 PM Mar 14th via web

I'd just like to say that I really enjoy a big bang. #BBC science shows FTW 1:32 AM Mar 15th via web

The ups and downs of plethysmography. 3:00 PM Mar 15th via web

Spent an hour classifying galaxies at http://www.galaxyzoo.org Actively shaping our universe is AWESOME. 5:00 PM Mar 15th via web

It actually saddens me that Oz cannot have a Pi Day. Seriously. Because I am that #geektastic 5:26 PM Mar 15th via web

Abbott: I would like to realise everyone's vision. If it's straight, white, rich & christian. Otherwise, we can just be friends #4corners 9:18 PM Mar 15th via web 

NEWSFLASH: #qanda and Waleed trend worldwide. Australia takes over twitterverse. Everyone wins a koala. #politicalawesomesauce 10:52 PM Mar 15th via web

Misheard the Bushell's ad. Thought she said "vagina". Turns out it was "finest china". Sadly disappointed. #TfortheV 11:09 PM Mar 15th via web

I stand by everything I say. Except that. 12:17 AM Mar 16th via web

I have a weakness for women in leather jackets and frankly, I blame it all on Grease. Damn you, Danny; and every lesbian with your haircut. 3:15 AM Mar 16th via web

Love letter to Helen Magnus required invention of words hot-osity & leathergasm. Best not sent to @amandatapping #sanctuary 3:32 AM Mar 16th via web

THIS is the reason autotune was invented: So Carl Sagan could sing about galaxies. http://tinyurl.com/ycw5xvf #geekgasm #geekpop 11:12 PM Mar 16th via web

Today's colours are Doppler-shifted. #geek 3:05 PM Mar 17th via web

Beer and cat food: Staple ingredients of an alternative lifestyle. #alsolesbian 5:44 PM Mar 17th via web 

#phdinhumourmanipulation #phdinwitticism #theresadoctorinyourvagina 7:41 PM Mar 17th via web

Boobs and space travel. Join me in A Softer World 2:19 PM Mar 18th via web

"Don't complain at me - I don't care. I don't like you. I don't even like cats." Stuff I say when Venus drives me nuts. #crazycatlady 12:05 AM Mar 19th via web

I hereby will only refer to easter as "Purportedly Magic Jew Day'. So mote it be. 2:19 AM Mar 19th via web

My most fulfilling relationships have been with fictional characters. 12:05 PM Mar 19th via web

The real reason for ALL scientific innovation: HijinksEnsue and the PornholoDeck via @hijinksensue 11:01 PM Mar 19th via web

Found religion. Have hidden it somewhere between here and Cape Yorke. Your first clue is: What Would Jesus Do? Treasure hunters - GO! 9:52 PM Mar 20th via web

Q: How long is a piece of string? A: “Kaboom." #AllanDavis #BBC #geektastic 9:33 PM Mar 21st via web

Vajazzling looks like a fairy sneezed into your crotch. #fashionFAIL 10:05 PM Mar 21st via web

I am the caped crusader of unrequited heartsplosions. 12:53 AM Mar 22nd via web 

To Do: 1: Buy Cape. 2: Think up awesome super name. 3: Trademark "heartsplosions". 4: Profit! 12:55 AM Mar 22nd via web

Working on my indoor tan. 2:04 PM Mar 22nd via web

Applying for jobs... now. Wait. Maybe I'll have coffee first. And a biscuit. And take a walk. *sigh* 2:37 PM Mar 22nd via web 

Talked to my soul sister, now off to share sciencegasms with @dantasticNZ. Today is an awesome whore. 6:25 PM Mar 22nd via web

Just talked to my Dad. For the first time in 13 years. Um... 6:32 PM Mar 23rd via web 

It was ultra-normal, like when the dead rise and you're pretending you can't see the zombies. 7:00 PM Mar 23rd via web

Insert something profound here. 10:50 PM Mar 25th via web

I have sugar in coffee but use sugar for other things. So coffee in the sugar = bad. It's taken 26yrs to think "scoop the sugar first." 2:11 AM Mar 29th via web 

Peentazzling. Male equivalent of vajazzling. 9:41 AM Mar 29th via web

"There is real poetry in the real world. Science is the poetry of reality." -- Richard Dawkins 1:00 PM Mar 29th via web

If only I weren't amoral. If only I cared that I am. 1:30 PM Mar 29th via web

Meredith/Yang makes me feel like my best friend is here, though she's halfway across the world. It's the greatest love affair #GreysAnatomy 12:21 PM Mar 31st via web

Throbbing ovaries. Not just an awesome punkrock band name. 5:15 PM Mar 31st via web

NEXT: APRIL-MAY