Thursday, May 27, 2010

Life On Twitter: 6 Months of Random Inanity III (April-May)

And so we near the end of our journey. (Which we started here, and then we went here.)

Journey? Is that word appropriate? Maybe in the loosest sense. I sort of feel like I set out on a journey with a specific destination, and then two miles down the track I wondered off to pick flowers, and hug kittens, and then was viciously beaten to death by Nazi robots.

Maybe, 'Free-travellin'"?

You are welcome to suggest your own word.

Looking at the clock, I've been working at this for almost 16 hours now - mostly for the pretty - but despite all that fiddling, I'm still not sure what the hell I've been doing for the last 6 months. If you've figured it out, please let me know in the comments.

Winner will become the revered god of my new religion, Snarktastigasmism. Mostly, I'll make up the rules as I go along, but you can be sure it'll involve plenty of requisite nudity. And probably pie.



APRIL:

Hell is an idea first born on an undigested bottle of wine. (With apologies to Melville) 8:30 AM Apr 1st via web

Dear @Saintone20 @rosiekit @dantasticnz. I hate you all from the bottom of my cirrhotic liver. Love Zoe 2:59 PM Apr 1st via web





I miss plasma globes. 10:34 PM Apr 2nd via web

I hope everyone takes time today to remember the selfless gift given to all of us by our lord, Cadbury chocolate. #Easter 12:48 AM Apr 3rd via web

Coffee, cigarettes, cop shows, erotic stories, scifi, dictionary, jigsaw, knee-high boots, sandalwood soap, hot showers, blue jeans 7:14 PM Apr 3rd via web

I had a completely alcohol-free party evening. I am officially 912 years old. 6:51 PM Apr 4th via web

Rhymes with 'blinvisible'... 10:13 PM Apr 4th via web

Becoming more aware every day that severe emotional trauma makes me lol. Have warned mother I will laugh at funerals - including hers. 3:38 PM Apr 7th via web

I'm happier when my fave female TV characters are single. Apparently, my brain doesn't register I have no chance, because they're FICTIONAL. 4:25 PM Apr 8th via web

Never say die until you've actually fallen. 4:53 PM Apr 8th via web

I keep you at a distance because you're perfect from far away.5:48 PM Apr 8th via web

Watching Die Hard 4 at 5.30am. Why? Because... yeah, I got nothin'. 5:32 AM Apr 9th via web

Ever get a phone call canceling your job interview because the temp took the position? No? Suckers. You just haven't LIVED! 12:27 PM Apr 9th via web

My subconscious brain is a hydrogen based alien fish. 3:35 PM Apr 10th via web in reply to dantasticnz

6.30am; it's raining in that way that makes you wanna shag the city & then curl up in puddles & talk about your feelings. #melbourne 6:23 AM Apr 11th via web

Wish I had beer. Eyeing off a bottle of rubbing alcohol. This may end badly. 11:07 PM Apr 12th via web

Totes loving reports on death of the Polish PM: "Shame he died, but he probably brought it on himself. He was quite pushy." #powercrash 11:54 PM Apr 12th via web

Sounds like something's exploding in Coburg. Hope it's a zombie apocalypse #melbourne #theendisnigh 3:43 AM Apr 13th via web

Nothing with a velocity below C can ever go the speed of light, yet nothing travelling faster than light can ever be slowed below C 1:04 AM Apr 16th via web

Okay, so I know I dislocated my toe today, but my foot going blue? Seems a little melodramatic... Right? 4:04 AM Apr 18th via web

So much homotasticness today that when I collapsed on my couch, rainbows popped out. 11:03 PM Apr 18th via web

Watched Resident Evil; still think it's one of the best lesbian love stories around. 2:35 AM Apr 19th via web

Electrical storms, evening rain, make my body buckle; stand on end. 10:47 PM Apr 20th via web

A theoretical understanding of quarks is greatly improved by beer. Unfortunately, it makes the math go to shit. #sixpackscience #geek 2:17 AM Apr 21st via web
@NakedGirl_Blogs And a practical understanding of Quarks is greatly improved by a copy of The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition ;) #geek 2:21 AM Apr 21st via Echofon @Revolos55 in reply to NakedGirl_Blogs

@Revolos55 And for that response, you get eleventy bajillion awesome points, my first-born child and all the latinum in the universe. 2:29 AM Apr 21st via web @NakedGirl_Blogs in reply to @Revolos55

The Day the Earth Stood Still eco message #168: To save the Earth, most of you will have to die. We believe this cost is reasonable. 11:39 PM Apr 23rd via web

TDTESS eco message #84: A higher power is coming with locust plagues to annihilate us all. But not in a religious way. Please recycle. 11:47 PM Apr 23rd via web

The Day The Earth Stood Still eco msg #367: Science good; military bad. We think. Actually, we haven't researched this point at all. #WTFery 11:51 PM Apr 23rd via web

Locust plagues are simply nature's way of telling you to eat more protein. Trust me on this one. #nottherapture 11:56 PM Apr 23rd via web

I don't think you're meant to cook vegans. I think they're more of a raw fusion dish. #eatvegans 12:49 AM Apr 24th via web in reply to dantasticnz

Spent 4 hours in the emergency room and created a whole flock of latex-glove turkeys. Dubbed it the Douche Pack. Night. Of. Win. 6:10 AM Apr 30th via web

MAY:

Thinking of joining the Navy. Because I look good in blue and I always liked that Village People song. 12:14 AM May 2nd via web

I've never taken acid. Watching Apocalypse Now (Redux) means I'll never have to. Martin Sheen's bloodied chest hairs will haunt me forever. 2:30 AM May 2nd via web

I am in love with Sam Carter. Yes, I'm aware she is fictional, but that suits me. #imaginationship #SG1 6:30 PM May 3rd via web










I must be clear: I'm in love with Carter- Not Amanda Tapping. That'd just be weird. #imaginationship 7:08 PM May 3rd via web

…Plus there was that time I saved the galaxy. Long story. Involves a secret biochemical compound and a coathanger. #hero 7:50 PM May 3rd via TweetDeck

You know, if you die, a housecat will start eating you before you are cold. That's my kind of sidekick. 8:02 PM May 3rd via TweetDeck

I don't know - if the government gave me a billion dollars, I probably wouldn't work either. #myki #melbourne 3:31 PM May 4th via web

It was when my mother told me she loved Indigo Girls that I really knew all the cool had gone out of lesbianism. 3:33 PM May 4th via web

Swallowing Panadol with hot coffee makes me feel hard core. But it's really not, is it? #delusionalhappyplace #geekinator 3:40 PM May 4th via web

Our love affair with KRudd is over? But gee, the sex was so good. #7pmProjectWTFery 9:29 PM May 4th via web


Jane Lynch's Vogue was the fulfillment of a lesbian dream I've had since youth. #Glee #dykerotic 9:11 PM May 6th via web

I could happily spend a lifetime pondering black holes. Oh astrophysics, how you make me warm and fuzzy, like kittens. #geektastic 8:02 AM May 7th via web

I think the blue of #solvatedelectrons has more to do with smurfs than our current level of science can explain. #atomicsmurf 5:58 PM May 7th via web

Saved several dragonflies today, yet kitchen resembles an entomological graveyard. Stinkin' cat thinks she's Godzilla with a backyard helipad 6:15 PM May 7th via web

Tell your mum the nipple slip was an homage to her nurturing role in your upbringing. 6:27 PM May 7th via web in reply to mariekehardy

We are clumsy, messy creatures flailing wildly through the unknown, hoping desperately to crash into each other. #Hilariousfutility 10:40 PM May 7th via web

Betty White is just my favourite person ever. If I am half as awesome at her age, that's 16 times as cool as I am now. #BettyWhiteForGod 11:42 PM May 7th via web

The worst part of forgetting something is remembering you knew it once. 12:37 AM May 8th via web

I've been to enough bars to know most 'modern' humans are still shagging neanderthals. 12:41 AM May 8th via web in reply to PalaceParker

Flying reindeer have a gamey aftertaste. 12:45 AM May 8th via web

Took a sleeping tablet with a mug of coffee, just to see who'd win. 1:58 AM May 8th via web

I slightly love you, but not in a gay way. #totesinagayway 2:02 AM May 8th via web

Wow, the warning on this label should've read: May Cause Awesomeness. And dilated pupils. Everything is so shiny. #prescriptionmedicationwin 2:09 AM May 8th via web

My mother called halfway through Nigella’s Just Desserts and I had to tell her I'd call her back. Holy food porn, Batman! 7:30 PM May 8th via web

Reconciling Jennifer Garner and a 13yo girl is just confusing for my vagina. I feel dirty. #Suddenlypaedophilia 8:26 PM May 8th via web

Oyster, papaya and mango? It's like a tropical island sneezed. Awesome #ironchef 8:50 PM May 8th via web

You're driving to a hike? Why not just drive the extra 7.5 miles and go straight to the having coffee? 5:55 AM May 9th via web

The beauty of forgetting Mother's Day for years, is lowered expectations. A single txt just crowned me daughter of the year. Suckers. 10:10 PM May 9th via web

I'd thought the drunken one-night stand between BSG and the Stargate franchise birthed a bastard. Now, I see #SGU for the lovechild it is. 3:07 AM May 10th via web

Of course kids are looking for child porn. Looking for adult porn would just be age-inappropriate and creepy #qanda 9:40 PM May 10th via web

Lost some followers with that crack about coprophilia. My work here is done. #nocleanfeed #openinternet 1:10 AM May 11th via web

Our beautifully flawed world, with its awesomely fragile, destructive denizens. #inherentlyhuman 1:56 AM May 11th via web

If anyone can beat a man to death with a rainbow, it's Kristen Chenowith. And I'm pretty sure she has wings and lives under a mushroom. 6:14 PM May 11th via web

Combining nerdy historical excitement with hot tattooed chicks. Oh Time Team, how I [heart] you. 6:22 PM May 11th via web

Gee #Melbourne, why so cold? I made you dinner, treated you well... 11:35 PM May 11th via web

I'm the kind of girl who tears up at @NASA's image of the day, because our universe is so astoundingly beautiful. #stunnedandawed #geek 1:25 AM May 12th via web

Sam Carter punches Ba'al. While part of me cheers girl power, the rest totally objectifies her hotness. This is why I'm not a feminist. #SG1 3:44 PM May 12th via web

I'm equally proficient at objectifying & being objectified. My feminist sensibilities are overridden by the fact I'm a whore. 4:51 PM May 12th via web

So lazy I didn't even bother cooking the mi goreng, just poured in the powder flavour packet and ate the noodles raw. How am I still single? 5:48 PM May 12th via web

Gah! Channel 9 has a skeleton presenting the weather. #ohthehorror #giveherasammich 6:29 PM May 12th via web

Flicked to 7 and couldn't figure out who this 'Beaver' guy was they were raving about. Turns out, it was 'Bieber'... Still have no idea. 7:01 PM May 12th via web

Thanks @CatherineDeveny- I can no longer watch Bindi's 'Green' ad without shuddering. I mean, I always did, but now there's added pedophilia 10:58 PM May 12th via web

Be careful mixing cooking and nudity. It can go terribly wrong. Not that I speak from experience or anything... 12:28 AM May 13th via web

Oh TV Tropes, the ultimate drug-free cause of missing time - how I heart your humorous collection of depravity. #hivemind 3:52 PM May 16th via web

That whole "cleanliness is godliness" thing was totally misconstrued. 4:55 PM May 16th via web

PS: Have I ever mentioned my ridiculously massive crush on Lisa Wilkinson? No? #thatsbecauseitsodd #homegrownimagionationship 6:07 PM May 16th via web

I'll always be sad the sexual tension between Paul and Mikey never went further than that #unconsumatedloveaffair #GNW 7:27 PM May 16th via web

Okay, I'm thinking the Athlete's Foot slogan, "I've never met a foot I couldn't fit", was perhaps not entirely thought through. 11:20 PM May 16th via web

o hai, #LOTS - Congrats on S2. Just wanted to ask - lesbians are only created by bad, evil black magic? Is that wot ur saying? 5:56 PM May 17th via web

Thought my TV was muted until I changed the channel and almost frakkin' died. Turns out, that was a show by/for deaf people. 7:02 PM May 17th via web

Twitter: Keeping me in touch with my imaginary friends since 2009. 7:07 PM May 17th via web

On another @7pmproject note, I always enjoy an attractive woman wearing a flak jacket with "Press" written across her cleavage. 7:09 PM May 17th via web

When in a group of RL friends, and you find you all talk with hashtags, you really become aware of this Brave New World 11:04 PM May 17th via web

Broke the 200 followers mark tonight. Who knew that being duly obnoxious and geeky could serve me so well? #imaginaryfriends #nuditysells 12:14 AM May 18th via web

Just ate a bowl of two-minute Singapore noodles. It seems to be going horribly wrong... #tooyoungtodie 12:38 AM May 19th via web

I have many weaknesses. Boobs are definitely among them. And let's hope they're always among everything else. Ever. 12:50 AM May 19th via web

I want a sharktopus. Like really, really, want one. #sanctuary @damiankindler 1:58 AM May 19th via web

My only wish in life is to make yours hilariously uncomfortable. 6:04 AM May 19th via web

Dear @abc_investigates How do you solve a problem like Maria? Also appreciate any info on keeping a moonbeam in your hand. #askABC 4:11 PM May 19th via web

The gays? Is anyone still talking about them? So 2008. 8:04 AM May 20th via web

Dear people unfollow/following me several times a day: Yes, this tactic makes me notice you. But it makes me want to kick you in the face. 8:18 AM May 20th via web

There were gays in Brokeback Mountain? Wow. Did that film go anywhere? 8:24 AM May 20th via web

Give Akermanis a break. As he said, being nude with guys is a *big* part of his daily life. If they were gay, that'd just be weird. 8:38 AM May 20th via web

#Glee. Plus JOSS WHEDON. Sweet baby jesus, it's a convergence of awesome. Predict rainbows exploding into boobs at any moment. #geekgasm 9:13 AM May 20th via web

Oh god, somebody help me. They're doing the Safety Dance. THE SAFETY DANCE. I'm hyperventilating. #geeksplosion #glee 9:32 AM May 20th via web

Dear Pearson; Thanks for letting me know I made the shortlist and narrowly missed the Editor role. Next time, could we just try "You win!" 9:50 AM May 20th via web

I... hmm. I'm having one of those "I do not think that word means what you think it means" moments. 11:11 AM May 20th via web

I think the real question is when *don't* you need a chainsaw. Because that's not a life I'd want to live. 11:15 AM May 20th via web

Fanfic gives an extra dimension of creativity and imagination to an otherwise mindless activity. #artinTV 11:29 AM May 20th via web

As a surly, snarky, obnoxious, socially impatient/disinterested, general dick of a person, #House always gives me hope #cynicallyoptimistic 11:35 AM May 20th via web

When people stop tweeting about local corpses, it's probably a good sign housing values are about to plummet. #timetomove 12:41 PM May 20th via web

Shhhhh. Secret identity Zoe is secret #isaninja 7:13 AM May 21st via web

Saw "Neutron Star Collision" trending & was blown away. Turns out it's less unbelievable cosmic event, more a song by Muse. #tearsofageek 8:18 AM May 21st via web

I think me being a lesbian makes me more awesome than anyone at everything. 10:47 AM May 21st via web

I found a song about Pi. Now, I'm not saying it's the greatest song, but it's about Pi. PI. http://tinyurl.com/PiSong #geektastic 11:06 AM May 21st via web

Can't wait for my next trip to the airport. I definitely look like the kind of person who would carry porn. #randomsearch 12:53 PM May 21st via web


Captain Ahab and the elusive sea turtle #lesserbooks 7:25 PM May 21st via web

Stuff Jesus Said Back In The Day #lesserbooks 9:25 PM May 21st via web

An Extremely Detailed History of Only the Subjects I'm Interested In #lesserbooks 9:52 PM May 21st via web

The Wife of The Man Who Respected The Laws Of Physics And Lived His Life In The Correct Bloody Order #lesserbooks 9:58 PM May 21st via web

Okay, I have a date with Grey's Anatomy. If you hear screaming and/or crying, it's not... Yeah, it's totally me. #Greysfinale 10:22 PM May 21st via web


I AM THE QUEEN OF TOURETTE'S. DO NOT TALK TO ME RIGHT NOW #frakkingshonda 11:22 PM May 21st via web

Dear healthy living people/bots- I eat meat. I smoke like nicotine is my lover. None of my tattoos will ever be dolphins. #Letmedieinpeace 1:41 AM May 22nd via web

I heart the beautiful incongruity of philanthropic capitalism #tedxsydney 3:00 PM May 22nd via web

Twitter is a global conversation and I'm glad to be a part of it. 4:50 PM May 22nd via web

Cancer missiles made of nanodiamonds. There is nothing more awesome than that - not even the sharktopus #tedxsydney 5:08 PM May 22nd via web

Mmm cider. All the goodness of apples with the added bonus of much hearty grog. 10:17 PM May 22nd via web

Trying to figure out the portmanteau: would Ba'al in Adria be Adriba'al, or Ba'aldria? #pressingquestions #SG1 10:37 PM May 22nd via web

Jeez, tell a girl you have a stockpile of porn and suddenly she gets all shady on you 12:04 AM May 23rd via web

Why come to my door to solicit me? Why not just do it through Twitter like a normal person? #getoutofmySunday 2:05 PM May 23rd via web

Run. Run while you still have a gaydar. Hetros totally ruin calibration. #electromagneticstraightism 3:51 PM May 23rd via web in reply to royaroo

I love the ocean & women in uniform. So I have an interview with the Navy
next week. Here's hoping they don't mention patriotism or war. 3:59 PM May 23rd via web

Entropy has nothing to do with the messiness of my room, but everything to do with how it became that way #iamscience 7:21 PM May 23rd via web

When it's warm, cat hugs remind me I am loved. When it's cold, cat hugs remind me I am tolerated for my functionality. #crazycatlady 10:57 PM May 23rd via web

♬ I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain? ♫ #dancinginmyundies 11:03 PM May 23rd via web

There is a distinct difference between grand irony and dramatic irony. 11:48 PM May 23rd via web

@royaroo @NakedGirl_Blogs True. Grand irony is when you steal over $10,000 worth of laundry. Dramatic irony is what the costume lady does each day. 11:57 PM May 23rd via TweetDeck in reply to NakedGirl_Blogs
Oh yeah, total sympathy for your hangover. No really, this is not my smug face. 12:21 AM May 24th via web

The angry gif is the steam valve of the Internetian. 6:13 PM May 24th via web in reply to find_day

Heheh boobs. *immature high-five* 8:35 PM May 24th via web

Gillard really introduces the Altona accent to the world #melbourne #Lateline 10:51 PM May 24th via web

The unbelievability of the past proves to us the impossibility of the future. 9:06 PM May 25th via web


Trees understand quantum physics. This means trees are smarter than 97% of people. #bodeswellforhumanity #geektastic #quantumfact 5:19 PM May 26th via web

To those of you who didn't get my 'trees and Quantum physics' quip, this will blow your mind: http://trees-use-quantum-mechanics #geektastic 5:45 PM May 26th via web

My god- Mind totally blown. Just heard the Infinity Hotel paradox & its solution for the first time. I... don't even have words #geektastic 6:06 PM May 26th via web

The eviction is upon us again! The joys of freelance living. If anyone needs a house, or has a job for the most awesome girl ever - I'm here 27 May 2010 via web

The more energy used to travel (near C) through the space, the less you have to travel through time. Thus, time slows down #timedilation 27 May 2010 via web


And really, I think that says it all, right?

THAT'S ALL SHE WROTE.
(You can follow me on Twitter, at your peril, here.)

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